There have been few posts this year, and this is one of those updates I will also send to everyone who has subscribed to my blog – just to fill you in on what has been happening for me. 🙂 This year for me has been …hmmmm can’t even quite find the right word; up and down… rich…. fun… frustrating….. painful…. reflective… exciting….. empowering …..changing…. sad…..joy-filled…. quiet…. enlightening.
As a mum I’ve struggled a bit with my feelings of grief regarding James and how his amputation has affected his dreams for his vocation and things he wanted to do and experience in his life. James is travelling really well and is an inspiration. I think now after the initial recovery period is over and his improvement has reached a plateau, the reality has hit and I have just needed this time to grieve and come to terms with it. I catered for James’ 21st here – which was such a wonderful, fun day with all our family and his closest friends. It was a real privilege to have so many loving family and friends who care for us all here sharing and celebrating James’ 21st birthday.
I have overcome my aversion to flying and have hopped on a plane and made several trips to Melbourne. That has been great! I have even decided to travel to the US in November to attend a workshop in the Sante Fe deserts with John Paul Caponigro!!! Yippee! and Max and I will be having fun exploring parts of the US together when I am not attending the workshop.
Although I have not really been as artistically productive as I would have liked, I had planned to exhibit my beautiful current body of work, “In Our Hands”, this August but decided that it was not going to be supported in the gallery space which had been organised at the Ballarat Foto Biennale, so I withdrew my exhibition. I hope to be able to exhibit it next year – amongst my many travel plans 🙂 – and I will post when that has been organised.
I recently spontaneously flew to Melbourne and drove home in “Penny”, a 1923 Vauxhall with Max. Penny was driven from Peking to Paris in 2010 and Max and James will be driving ‘her’ from London to Capetown in January 2012. We had a lot of fun together – but it just isn’t my cup-of-tea! Way too noisy. I think i’ll just stick to the day trips to Maleny for cake and gluten-free ice-cream!
I’ve learned a lot this year. I have learned about respect. I have learned that respect does not arise from arrogance, but rather a humility and deep honouring and reverence in the wonder and miracle of my existence. I have come to realise clearly what is important to me in my life and how important it is to truly respect myself. I have learned to not continue to blindlessly keep accepting things in my life which do not demonstrate respect for who I am and do not support the respect I have for myself. I am learning that everything I have in my life is a result of a choice. I am learning to be more discerning with my choices. I must not choose to have things in my life which do not value my contribution or aren’t respectful of me. I am learning to let go of circumstances, people, opportunities, and anything else which does not support respect for me, regardless of the temporary sadness or disappointment it may bring with the decision because it may have been something I was looking forward to or wanted. I know in the long run these choices are the only way that I can truly honour and demonstrate a reverence for my life. I am learning that my thoughts are virtual, and the “what-ifs” in my mind are just stories which are a destraction from what is truly real in my experience of what is happening right now, which is where my focussed attention must be. I am learning to pay attention to everything within my mind, within my body and around me. I am learning to connect more deeply with my intuition and that voice from within which cannot be questioned. I have learned to speak up. I am learning to speak honestly and truthfully. I am learning to be aware of my thoughts; my words; my actions – and accept responsibility for them. I am learning to be more ‘conscious’ of how I exist in the world. …. yep – lots of learning and I have only just begun! 🙂
Althought the daylight hours have been getting longer for some time, Spring has started in the calender month today and the orchards and gardens are abundant and flourishing. I am so grateful to live in such an amazing place which allows me the space to breathe and connect. I am keen to allow the seasons to open me to more energy and inspiration and look forward to sharing more as I experience more. 🙂