Winter solstice and I’m living quietly.
I looked to the sky today and reflected on the path my life has taken and how it has changed; in particular over the past year or so.
I saw in the space of the deep blue sky that I am living more quietly… and that doesn’t mean that I’m not doing crazy things all around the world… it doesn’t mean that I’m not playful and exuberant…. it doesn’t mean that I’m not expressive and connected… it just means that my mind is more quiet than it has ever been.
There is no push. There is no striving. My thoughts are quiet and I am content.
For so many wasted years I pursued a misguided notion of purpose… and that engulfed every part of my being. My thoughts were focussed on how I could ‘fulfil my purpose’; (which is just plainly quite silly); and I realised far too late the destructive nature of my committed pursuit. There was so much cognitive static and chaos in my head. I had chronic insomnia. My mind was so noisy.
Last week I came upon a sketch I drew many years ago of me wearing a blindfold in a small boat on an ocean. I was so foolish. My sketch was a warning to myself which I didn’t see. Something inside of me knew then I should have been following a path with open eyes and awareness; but instead, I trusted in something with my hands tied and eyes closed. Blind faith and ‘trusting’ – was reckless. My thoughts were not quiet at that time and I did not hear my inner wisdom.
I am in a place now where my mind is far more quiet and I can hear the whispers of my inner voice and intuition.
It has taken a serious accident and illness for me to extricate myself from a way of thinking and feeling, so that now my thoughts are quiet. I don’t HAVE to achieve anything. I fill my days with rich and meaningful activities and there is no striving. There is no stress. No push. I do things which I love and enrich me and I can share and experience in a healthy, loving and fulfilling way with others.
… so… the sky is spacious… and my mind is quiet.