I am celebrating. Last week I felt amazing – for the first time in a long time. My family and friends know of my personal journey recently and I’ve connected deeply with myself; grieved and now come to a place of acceptance. I realised that acceptance in something; means that there is nothing for me to fight for any more. I have accepted it – and it is time for me to move on to celebrating my life again and I marked that with a beautiful ceremony (and skinny dip) on a deserted beach last week.
I connected with recognising that I will always keep repeating cycles if I keep the same foundation of my behaviours. I don’t need to live in the past; but I did need to revisit it so that I could determine where i wasn’t honouring myself. I needed to change the ‘soil’ upon which I was to grow. I revisited circumstances in my mind where I made choices which did not honour myself; choices in which I allowed spears to be thrown at me and for me to be enshrouded in black smoke – and I changed those choices in my mind so now I have an energetic repertoire of skills I can draw upon when next I am presented with similar circumstances.
I will only stand beside people who are my warriors beside me; and not be in circumstances where those around do not choose to be a warrior beside me. I will not have spears thrown at me. I will only live in the amplification of white smoke and not be enshrouded in the cover and suppression of black smoke ever again.
I marked this revelation; new soil; and epiphany – through a beautiful personal ceremony for myself at the beach. I recommitted myself to myself – and for the first time in a very long time I felt real joy in being alive… excitement in tasting the salty ocean and feeling the frothy sea water on my skin.
I’m excited about my life from here… and looking forward to our next journey in Penny from Peking to Paris. Oh my goodness only 3 weeks away… so stay tuned for more updates and my journal of this incredible endurance event.